I'm still seething at the stupidity of the punk ass bitch who just so happens to be my TA for the semester. Watch me grit my teeth as I pretend to be nice to the soulless bastard. Instead of walking down to his office and beating him to a pulp using my awesome hybrid ninja-pirate skills, I choose to take out my aggression on consumer goods.
My therapist calls this progress.
I was reading the contents on the container of my Dannon yogurt and found something silly. There’s a list, a top 7 if you will, of the “reasons to enjoy Dannon today and for tomorrow”.
I present to you dear reader, verbatum...the reasons.
- Be fit. Contains calcium which can help with weight management
- Be vital. Is a good source of protein for muscle maintenance
- Be comfortable. Has active cultures that help milk digestion
- Be strong. Has calcium, essential for strong bones
- Be nourished. Contains important nutrients for children’s growth
- Be proactive. Provides friendly bacteria for your digestive tract
- Be happy! Is a great-tasting and satisfying part of your healthy diet.
Now, here are my issues. (allow me, once again, to get all John McLaughlin on you good people)
Issue 1: Numbers 1 and 3 are arguing for the same ingredient, calcium, just in different ways
Issue 2: The active cultures ARE bacteria, so numbers 3 and 6 are the same.
Issue 3: The important nutrients? Calcium and protein. So, there goes number 5.
Thus the actual number of reasons to eat Dannon yogurt are three.
- Has nutrients
- Has bacteria
- Tastes yummy
Don’t let them fool you. Bastards, each and every one.