THE HYPERION: overlord of simian indoor facilities, master in the fine art of smacking down anonymous commenters, awesome writer, and powerful force of nature. Even though he may side with ninja, that's OK because we pirates appreciate his kick-ass jewelry (see Exhibit A).
So folks, I need your help. If you see this man, you are to NOT confront him for that may provoke him even further! You are to run (not walk) to the nearest convienence store and grab as much beef jerky as your hands can hold. You are to then lure The Hyperion with a trail of beef jerky to the local Denny's restaurant where lacivious waitresses and delicious hotcakes can soothe his savage soul. He may need some hugging too, and for that...call in Kaida. She is a Class AAA, triple black belt expert in the matters of The Hyperion hugging. Plus, she's a wonderful lady.
Heed my words well! Do not attempt to handle him alone-for fear this (see Exhibit B) may happen to you!
(Exhibit B-When provoked, the Hyperion eats small children. It's a nervous habit and one that a 12-step program just can not help)