22 September 2006

Wanted: Dead or Alive

Have you seen this man?

Exhibit A-The Hyperion in his Goth Overlord gear (aka his jammies)

Before you answer that, you should know whom you are dealing with. This is no ordinary mortal. Oh no, folks. This is THE HYPERION: overlord of simian indoor facilities, master in the fine art of smacking down anonymous commenters, awesome writer, and powerful force of nature. Even though he may side with ninja, that's OK because we pirates appreciate his kick-ass jewelry (see Exhibit A).
I first suspected foul play when he was conspiciously missing from the Monkey Barn activities. Now today, I KNEW something was amiss when my favorite column ASKHAT was not published.
So folks, I need your help. If you see this man, you are to NOT confront him for that may provoke him even further! You are to run (not walk) to the nearest convienence store and grab as much beef jerky as your hands can hold. You are to then lure The Hyperion with a trail of beef jerky to the local Denny's restaurant where lacivious waitresses and delicious hotcakes can soothe his savage soul. He may need some hugging too, and for that...call in Kaida. She is a Class AAA, triple black belt expert in the matters of The Hyperion hugging. Plus, she's a wonderful lady.
Heed my words well! Do not attempt to handle him alone-for fear this (see Exhibit B) may happen to you!

(Exhibit B-When provoked, the Hyperion eats small children. It's a nervous habit and one that a 12-step program just can not help)

Fools jump in where angels fear to tread...
:) LJS

16 September 2006

No, I mean a break from us

I'm so very tortured about the VERY SUDDEN collapse of my relationship with the Monkey Barn. Our Barn Overlord has gone completely berzerk and unilaterially decided that we were going to be on a break. I'm considering a mutany, but until then I say that we boycott the Barn Overlord until the boy-child returns to his senses.

If you DO return to the Institute, I recommend that you watch your back 'cause you never know when he's going to start ranting about who stole his strawberries.

:) LJS

"It's so much better when everyone is in. Are you in?"

15 September 2006

Come one, come all!

Check out this week's Carnival of the Mundane. Nelumbo does a great job hosting!


Hey! In case y'all didn't know, today is my Birthday! Or, as I used to say when I was a wee pirate-Birfday!
In a classic instance of solipsism, I have declared today International Lady Jane Scarlett day, and make confessions about the "penguin incident".
Little T sings me a song at the Hyperion Institute (today's ASKHAT is awesome!) and the Monkey Barn has some classic LJS moments.

And...I'm 31. Yikes. The morning of a new year has begun, and I can't wait to see what awaits!
:) LJS

"And now good-morrow to our waking souls,
Which watch not one another out of fear ;
For love all love of other sights controls,
And makes one little room an everywhere."
-J. Donne "The Good Morrow"

14 September 2006

Like a fine wine

Perhaps some of us do mellow or get better with age. I don't know. I've been reflecting on what Hypey had quoted when he nominated me into SKITTLEhood- "Pain is just weakness leaving the body". I can't say how much that quote has helped me out, and how much thought I've give it.
Geez if that quote's true, then I was a puny scrawny weak-ass pirate a mere couple of years ago. Because I had gone through alot of painful experiences-the pain sometimes returns, especially this time of year. I don't mark the onset of my adulthood when I hit my 20's. I marked it when I went through three months of pure emotional hell, and I lived through it-stronger and hopefully more kind and more sensitive. I had an epiphany, one I needed. Flying over the mist covered Smokies, I had written "Perhaps in grief, and one cannot see grace, that it is there for us in multitudes to support our sadness". I didn't feel alone after that, even though the worst was yet to come.
So, it's good to know that I'm not alone. Not now, not ever. I have my family and friends. I have my sunshine. And, even though this past year has not been easy, it's been made better by many things. Like the fact that I knew I did the right thing, for me. Like the fact that my sunshine has made my life so full of joy. Like the fact that my friends and family astonish me with their never ceasing capability for love.
So, I turn 31 in eight minutes. Tick tock. For all that was, for all that will never be, for all that is lost, for all that is found...I count my blessings twice and leave the rest behind.

Happy day! :) LJS

11 September 2006

Welcome, newcomers


Two thousand one, nine eleven
Three thousand plus arrive in heaven
As they pass through the gate,
Thousands more appear in wait

A bearded man with stovepipe hat
Steps forward saying, "Lets sit, lets chat"
They settle down in seats of clouds

A man named Martin shouts out proud
"I have a dream!" and once he did
The Newcomer said, "Your dream still lives."

Groups of soldiers in blue and gray
Others in khaki, and green then say
"We're from Bull Run, Yorktown, the Maine"
The Newcomer said, "You died not in vain."

From a man on sticks one could hear
"The only thing we have to fear.
The Newcomer said, "We know the rest,
Trust us sir, we've passed that test."

"Courage doesn't hide in caves
You can't bury freedom, in a grave,"
The Newcomers had heard this voice before
A distinct Yankees twang from Hyannisport shores

A silence fell within the mist
Somehow the Newcomer knew that this
Meant time had come for her to say
What was in the hearts of the five thousand plus that day

"Back on Earth, we wrote reports,
Watched our children play in sports
Worked our gardens, sang our songs
Went to church and clipped coupons
We smiled, we laughed, we cried, we fought
Unlike you, great we're not"

The tall man in the stovepipe hat
Stood and said, "Don't talk like that!
Look at your country, look and see
You died for freedom, just like me"

Then, before them all appeared a scene
Of rubbled streets and twisted beams
Death, destruction, smoke and dust
And people working just 'cause they must

Hauling ash, lifting stones,
Knee deep in hell, but not alone
"Look! Blackman, Whiteman, Brownman, Yellowman
Side by side helping their fellow man!"

So said Martin, as he watched the scene
"Even from nightmares, can be born a dream."

Down below three firemen raised
The colors high into ashen haze
The soldiers above had seen it before
On Iwo Jima back in '45

The man on sticks studied everything closely
Then shared his perceptions on what he saw mostly
"I see pain, I see tears,
I see sorrow -- but I don't see fear."

"You left behind husbands and wives
Daughters and sons and so many lives
Are suffering now because of this wrong
But look very closely. You're not really gone.

All of those people, even those who've never met you
All of their lives, they'll never forget you
Don't you see what has happened?
Don't you see what you've done?
You've brought them together, together as one.

With that the man in the stovepipe hat said
"Take my hand," and from there he led
Three thousand plus heroes, Newcomers to heaven
On this day, two thousand one, nine eleven

Author UNKNOWN (What a shame!)

10 September 2006


Today has been rather interesting in Scarlettville, folks. A morning of highs and lows. Let me share with you the good first, because that's just how I roll.
This morning I ran in a 5K race to benefit a UM center that studies diabetes. The run was hilly, but there were lots of people there and it was definitely a good cause. The center will be using this money to do research into diabetic neuropathy. I'm not going to tell you about it, because one can Google these things and I wouldn't do a good job explaining it anyway. All I know about it is this: it kills the nerves in diabetes patients and they no longer feel their toes, their fingers etc. Pretty nasty stuff.

Onto the sadness.

After the race, I went to work and saw that a fish in our lab died. I had to give it a burial at sea. This fish was in our lab for, by most estimates, 7 years. And in the past couple of weeks, the poor critter was not doing well. I knew that its *time* was close at hand. Yet, every morning when I saw it flutter about, I did a mental cheer and prayed that it would just last one more day. Today, fish did not putter about the aquarium or kinda try to move. I did a death check, as I had done a couple of times in the past month. I picked up fish and moved him around the aquarium this morning, but his lifeless little slimy body told the truth. He had given up the spirit. I cried, and I buried him (at sea). For a fish, whom I had never touched or talked with, his loss had affected me.

It made me appreciate how close humans are to each other. Tommorow, we mourn the loss of over 2900 people. Most of whom, we have never met or never seen on the street or heard chatting in the subway. I did not know any of the September 11th victims, but I mourn their loss. Their death, affected me and so many people around the world. We forget how close we are until that connection is missing or lost or stolen. Those people, those families, those folks...they were stolen from us. And the world suffers still.

So, tommorow I'm going to rededicate myself to making a few more loving and positive connections. Tommorow. Rededicate to hugging your family a bit longer, telling your mate how much you love them more often, petting your dog or cat a bit more. Hug a tree and kiss a squirrel. The world, even in its apex of sadness, can be made happier and brighter if we all "make it so".

:) LJS

LJS Trivia

Schrodinger's Kitten is a hilarious gal, I visit her blog pretty often. She's funny and witty and throws a bone to us nerds every now and then. Even her name should make every scientist giggle with delight. She recently linked to a "trivia generator", and I did it! Although I am no proud of the fact that I share a *talent* (see #3) with Tobias, I am very pleased that I can make the world a happier place with all my UFO sightings.
Going when no one has gone before, :) LJS

  1. 68 percent of all UFO sightings are by Lady Jane Scarlett.
  2. The Asteroid Belt between Mars and Jupiter is made entirely of Lady Jane Scarlett!
  3. Lady Jane Scarlett can squeeze her entire body through a hole the size of her beak!
  4. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are Lady Jane Scarlett!
  5. About one tenth of Lady Jane Scarlett is permanently covered in ice.
  6. Influenza got its name because people believed the disease was caused by the evil "influence" of Lady Jane Scarlett.
  7. Lady Jane Scarlett was invented in China in the eleventh century, but was only used for fireworks, never for weapons.
  8. Lady Jane Scarlett has four noses.
  9. Lady Jane Scarlett can fly at an average speed of fifteen kilometres an hour.
  10. A Lady Jane Scarlettometer is used to measure Lady Jane Scarlett!

06 September 2006

Open Letter

This is a letter to the gentleman who told me to "Ride your bike on the damn sidewalk"....as you drove past me on Packard last night...

Dear Kind Sir:
I appreciate your concern for my safety and well-being. The fact that you slowed down your car, during rush hour traffic, showed me that you truly cared. Never mind the hoardes of cars that slammed on their brakes behind you, never mind your car swerving in the road as you turned your head to tell me where to ride my bicycle. It is your kindness and consideration that I will remember, forever. That, and your jalopy of a four-wheeled vehicle. I am positive that your concern for the welfare of Ann Arbor bicyclists is matched only by your concern for the environment. It is only for those reasons that I now breathe easy. Thankfully, your car is fueled by massive amounts of hot air that you exude so it appears that you are not held to the same burdensome fuel efficiency standards like the rest of us serfs. Truly, your choice of vehicle is a paradigm of eco-friendliness. I dream of the day when my bicycle can achieve the same standard of efficiency and cleanliness.
To answer your pleas that I ride on the sidewalk, I am compelled to beg you to only please consider your own well being in the future. It is this kind of selflessness that brings about so much stress and I fear, especially in men of your age, it may be a cause of heart attacks, strokes, and mental breakdowns.
I am forced to remind you that Michigan state statutes, local laws, and common sense tells me that, as a bicyclist, I am not only required to ride on the street but I am also entitled to do so at my leisure. I perfectly understand that there are portions of the sidewalk that are, in name only, called a bike path. However, as any bicyclist can attest to, the sidewalks are more dangerous to ride on than any street. Why you may ask? Because of drivers. Drivers who do not stop at the white line on the street, or at the stop sign. Drivers who turn into cross-streets or parking lots without so much as a glance onto the sidewalk. Drivers, my dear sir, much like yourself.
Especially considering that you slowed down your car to yell at me because you cared so much about my safety, without regard for your own, I thought about your request. However, my personal experiences indicate that driving on the sidewalk is actually less safe and state/local laws have given me the right to be on the road.
It is with a heavy heart that my answer to your request is a loud and clear "fuck off".
Best regards, Lady Jane Scarlett

05 September 2006

Your love, is better than...

Yesterday was a day of realizing goals, achieving one's dream and conquering slinertia (that's slacker+intertia=slinertia). Folks, I finally made it to Dairy Queen. There's a cute DQ on my way to school and ever since it opened in May (!), I've promised myself that I'd treat myself to an ice cream cone or sundae. Well...for one reason or another ({cough cough} no cash), I never made it to DQ. Until yesterday. Yesterday morning, I woke up and I knew it was going to be "the day". I was going to Dairy Queen! So, I took the day at my leisure, preparing myself for the big moment. I brushed my teeth, for the first time, at 5pm but in the glee of the day...I didn't notice my furry teeth. I dressed in my finest "yeah, I didn't take a shower so I don't want to wear anything too nice" clothes, donned my bike helmet, and grabbed my keys. At 5:26:09 pm, I made off my bike and travelled over to DQ, change in pocket. Ohhhh, it was a beautiful day and when I got to DQ, I relished over the menu for several minutes before making my choice. The air was crisp, the laughter of children surrounded me, and I could have sworn that I heard Jack White singing a cover of Sarah's "Ice Cream" faintly...in the distance. For one moment, the ka in the universe was mine and I seized the opportunity.
"Small hot fudge sundae with krunch koat sprinkles please"

I sat at the DQ and thoroughly enjoyed it. :D

Though one season ends, a new one begins. I hope the last couple weeks of summer are good to everyone.
:) LJS

On another happy note, I am now a S.K.I.T.T.L.E. What does that mean? Well, for starters, Hyperion offered to bear my children. I'm so totally taking him up on this offer. I'll no longer wake up in the middle of the night with cold sweats worrying about the pain of labor, discolored stretch marks, forever ruining my figure or accidentally ripping out the epidural needle thus paralyzing myself. Thanks Hypey! :D