Open Letter

This is a letter to the gentleman who told me to "Ride your bike on the damn sidewalk"....as you drove past me on Packard last night...

Dear Kind Sir:
I appreciate your concern for my safety and well-being. The fact that you slowed down your car, during rush hour traffic, showed me that you truly cared. Never mind the hoardes of cars that slammed on their brakes behind you, never mind your car swerving in the road as you turned your head to tell me where to ride my bicycle. It is your kindness and consideration that I will remember, forever. That, and your jalopy of a four-wheeled vehicle. I am positive that your concern for the welfare of Ann Arbor bicyclists is matched only by your concern for the environment. It is only for those reasons that I now breathe easy. Thankfully, your car is fueled by massive amounts of hot air that you exude so it appears that you are not held to the same burdensome fuel efficiency standards like the rest of us serfs. Truly, your choice of vehicle is a paradigm of eco-friendliness. I dream of the day when my bicycle can achieve the same standard of efficiency and cleanliness.
To answer your pleas that I ride on the sidewalk, I am compelled to beg you to only please consider your own well being in the future. It is this kind of selflessness that brings about so much stress and I fear, especially in men of your age, it may be a cause of heart attacks, strokes, and mental breakdowns.
I am forced to remind you that Michigan state statutes, local laws, and common sense tells me that, as a bicyclist, I am not only required to ride on the street but I am also entitled to do so at my leisure. I perfectly understand that there are portions of the sidewalk that are, in name only, called a bike path. However, as any bicyclist can attest to, the sidewalks are more dangerous to ride on than any street. Why you may ask? Because of drivers. Drivers who do not stop at the white line on the street, or at the stop sign. Drivers who turn into cross-streets or parking lots without so much as a glance onto the sidewalk. Drivers, my dear sir, much like yourself.
Especially considering that you slowed down your car to yell at me because you cared so much about my safety, without regard for your own, I thought about your request. However, my personal experiences indicate that driving on the sidewalk is actually less safe and state/local laws have given me the right to be on the road.
It is with a heavy heart that my answer to your request is a loud and clear "fuck off".
Best regards, Lady Jane Scarlett