22 September 2006

Wanted: Dead or Alive

Have you seen this man?

Exhibit A-The Hyperion in his Goth Overlord gear (aka his jammies)

Before you answer that, you should know whom you are dealing with. This is no ordinary mortal. Oh no, folks. This is THE HYPERION: overlord of simian indoor facilities, master in the fine art of smacking down anonymous commenters, awesome writer, and powerful force of nature. Even though he may side with ninja, that's OK because we pirates appreciate his kick-ass jewelry (see Exhibit A).
I first suspected foul play when he was conspiciously missing from the Monkey Barn activities. Now today, I KNEW something was amiss when my favorite column ASKHAT was not published.
So folks, I need your help. If you see this man, you are to NOT confront him for that may provoke him even further! You are to run (not walk) to the nearest convienence store and grab as much beef jerky as your hands can hold. You are to then lure The Hyperion with a trail of beef jerky to the local Denny's restaurant where lacivious waitresses and delicious hotcakes can soothe his savage soul. He may need some hugging too, and for that...call in Kaida. She is a Class AAA, triple black belt expert in the matters of The Hyperion hugging. Plus, she's a wonderful lady.
Heed my words well! Do not attempt to handle him alone-for fear this (see Exhibit B) may happen to you!

(Exhibit B-When provoked, the Hyperion eats small children. It's a nervous habit and one that a 12-step program just can not help)

Fools jump in where angels fear to tread...
:) LJS


tiff said...

Uh, you used my blog tag line. that'll be 50 cents, please. :>

Hyp's got some spankin jammies there - the crown is JUST the right touch.

BTW - I'll be in San Franciso at the end of October - and there's a pirate store there. Want anything?

Tracy Lynn said...

That's a spankin' post, LJS, and now I have to go to Tiff's so I can charge her 50 cents for using spankin', which is mine.

tiff said...

I left off the apostrophe, and therefor didn't infringe any trademarking you might have initiated.

Also, in a fit of magnanimity, I absolved Lady Jane of the fee, as she misquoted my tagline, therefore jumping over any of my firmly-gripped plagiaristic copyright issues. :>

lost goddess said...

Wow luv the post lady!!! and the pic Exhibit A is suckin hot as spit!!!

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

Tiff, I have given you a shout out in my Pirate Galley so...does that absolve me?