My new cause

Today, during lunch, I discovered a shocking silent epidemic that's overtaking millions of American households. I was eating my vegetable soup, and was horrifed to notice the label had mentioned that all of the vegetables were...chunky. It made me wonder how did the vegetables get chunky. What are “they” hiding from us? The truth is out there, and....dammit, I'm going to do something about it!

Now imagine you're a wee pea vegetable, and you're growing up in a vegetable soup farm. Life is good, but you begin to notice that you're given a bit more Pepsi, you have a lot less room to play than the rest and, most importantly, you have so much spare time that you're at level 60 in WoW. One day, one fateful day, you look up from your veggie couch and notice millions of other vegetables all in a row...all drinking protein-enhanced Pepsi and slogging on cheesy poofs. Then you collapse because you can’t hold up the heft of your massive pods.

Awwww. Poor pea.

Do you think that, after all that suffering, your benevolent vegetable farmer would reward you with a little metal plaque or perhaps an upgraded video card? No! Poor vegetables. They are sacrificed like lemmings: usurped from their comfortable (if not cramped) abodes, chopped and boiled nearly-alive and then…of all indignities…called…Chunky.

Like I said...silent epidemic.

I hereby propose a new campaign. The “Pirates for the Emancipation of Rotund Vegetables” group. PERV’s everywhere will lobby for ethical treatment of veggies. We’ll have a two pronged approach. The first one is to campaign for free-range vegetables. When veggies can roam free, they taste better.

The second approach is to reduce the stigma of “chunky” that dominates our current soup market.

(btw...how can a vegetable be both fat-free and chunky?)

Join me, and become a PERV. Together, we can make a difference.

Ahoy! :) LJS